Missin' U: Easing the Pain of Missing Long-Distance Family and Friends

The first time we moved across the country, I was seven years old. Mom and I hopped on a plane with our super-confused mewing cats under our seats, and my brother and dad drove for five days to catch up with us.

The second time I moved across the country, I was eighteen (also confused and mewing) with everything I owned crammed into the back of my hatchback headed straight for Texas.

The third time I moved cross-country was two years ago, again hauling my whole life in a hatchback, back to California.

So you can say I’ve got a little bit of experience with long-distance relationships.

My people are all over the map. I’ve got extended family in California. My dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my best friend are in Kentucky. I’ve got people I love dearly in Ohio and Pittsburgh, and parents and friends living in Texas. This year especially has been really tough on those relationships. I wake up some mornings with my heart aching for my mom, or my brother’s wife Taylor, or my best friend Mary Paige. I love where I live and the life I’ve chosen, but sometimes it is just really rough to live so far away from your village.

And here’s the thing: I know I’m not the only one experiencing this right now.

So many of you are separated from family members and friends, doing your best to be responsible during this pandemic. It’s been a really lonely year for a lot of us. It’s hard, and even though it feels like it, we’re nowhere near alone.

This was one of those mornings I woke up with long-distance friends on my heart, and so here it is: a guide to loving your people from far away.

Connect Creatively

It’s so easy to say “I’ll call you later!” or “We should text more often,” but how many times does that really happen? Enter creativity. Something that’s changed my long-distance relationships is learning that you can connect in more ways than the typical. Here are some of my favorites:

Marco Polo

It’s like flexible Facetime, and my Gammy LOVES it. You record a video-message for your person, and they get to view it whenever they want and respond. I love it because I get to see sweet faces and hear about the day, but there’s no pressure to engage right away. You get to choose when you respond, whether you’re cooking dinner or out on a walk or just have a minute on your lunch break.

Making music

A while back, my dad starting learning guitar. He would send me these videos of him playing and singing a song, and I would send back a video of me playing and singing the next verse. This probably went on for weeks. It made my day every time I saw a video from him come through our text chain and wonder what song we were going to do next. If you and your people are musical, definitely give this one a shot.

Selfies

My mom does this thing where she’ll send me a video in the morning before work or even just a selfie with a caption about what goofy thing the puppy did today. Sometimes we go days back and forth just sending each other short video clips or selfies with what we’re eating or what’s going on that day. It adds another channel of communication for us and adds some spice to a conversation that could’ve just been texts.

Commonalities

My brother and I send songs back and forth. My friend Taylor and I, both aspiring English teachers, shoot rapid-fire texts about thesis statements and literature we’re learning about in class. Mom shares recipe videos, and I send her pictures of whatever baked good I made that weekend. What do you have in common with the people you love best? Think of them when you plant your herb garden, or read a really good book, or find the best new coffee spot. Shoot them a text or a picture. It’ll make their day and fire up a back-and-forth.

Send Surprises

An absolute favorite to connect with people far away is sending care packages or little surprises through the mail. You can absolutely spend an hour walking through Target and then make a trip to the UPS store, but thanks to the wonderful world of online shopping, you don’t have to. I love finishing a book and ordering a copy from Target or Barnes n Noble to be shipped to my Mama Lori if I know she’ll love it too. My friend Mary Paige has the most unique style I know, so every once in a while if I’m online shopping and see a fun headband or pair of earrings, I add them to the cart to be sent to her apartment. Another fun surprise to think about are subscriptions like Atlas and Succulent Box.

Atlas is a coffee subscription that will send beans from all over the world straight to your lucky person’s door. They even get a little card in the first box inviting them to go online and pick their preferences: whether they want whole beans or ground, if they like dark coffee or light, etc. My brother and sister-in-law sent us an Atlas subscription as a gift and we loved it so much we gifted it to another friend of ours for a house-warming present.

Succulent Box is a super cool subscription my sister Taylor sent me when we first moved to California. I got a couple of new plants every month and literally squealed every time I saw the box on my doorstep. The best.

Another favorite is doing a subscription for a local coffee shop (like Sunergos in Louisville, West Oak in Dallas, or Top Dog in Morro Bay), or sending gift cards for local restaurants you know they love. There’s nothing more fun than gifting your people a night out to their favorite place, on you.

Last One: Let Them Know

This seems so obvious, but so often when I sit and miss people, I don’t even reach out to them to let them know about it. Nine times out of ten, they miss you too (the tenth time being your stinky brother). If you let them know about it, they can help you with game-planning doing a better job of keeping up with the relationship. Maybe you make a habit of FaceTiming on Saturday mornings. Maybe you start sending letters back and forth. Maybe you send books to each other once a month.

Missing your people from across state lines, or even just across cities, can be tough. Nothing beats that first hug coming off the airplane or long late-night talks on the basement floor. Sometimes the missing just can’t be helped, but there are always things to make it a little better.