5 Ways to Stay Festive If Christmas Is Bumming You Out This Year

It’s almost Christmas. Isn’t that weird? In years past, mid-December meant gearing up for going home. It meant organizing Christmas lists and shopping and crafting. It meant almost time to hug our people, light up a tree, and sit on the floor criss-cross applesauce, talking and laughing until our stomachs hurt.

I think a lot of us are missing that this year. The gathering. The hugging. The normalcy. Family. It seems like the holidays are missing everything that makes them so merry and bright, and that’s family: both blood and chosen.

I’m struggling too. Christmas was hard some years, with family across the country and splitting time between divorced parents and blended families. But it always had magic. I treasure the years I got to race upstairs and throw myself on my brother's bed to wake him up on Christmas morning. I love the memories I have of several-person Skype calls so we could read The Night Before Christmas and share hot cocoa between three different states. Even last year, when it was just Ric and me on Christmas Day, we took a long, beautiful hike and made a gorgeous steak dinner. Magic.

I have to believe this year won’t be any different. Even with the hurdles we have to jump, even if we spend this holiday alone, there will be some sort of magic in it. In that spirit, I’ve come up with five ways to lean into the holidays to squeeze out every bit of love we can on this weird, weird year.

#1: Plan a Gift You’re Excited to Give

There was this study where experimenters gave their subjects $20 and some were told to treat themselves, while others were told they had to spend it on someone else. At the end of the day, people who spent it on another person noted they were happier afterward than the people who treated themselves.

It turns out, we are humans who get a lot of joy out of other humans.

This is why I’m telling you to devise THE ULTIMATE gift for someone you care about. It could be something super creative and elaborate, or it could be something you’ve heard them talking about for a week or just know they really need.

My wicked-cool project gift this year is for my brother and his lady (who is also my friend). Without giving too much away, I researched a popular gift idea and then decided it’d be cooler to make one that’s unique and just for them. Even in the planning stages, I found myself getting a little bit more excited for Christmas.

#2: Act the Way You Want to Feel (Decorate!!)

I’m reading this book about curating more happiness in your life, and one of the golden takeaways so far is this: act the way you want to feel. As in, fake it till you make it. A lot of the time, we actually use our actions to inform our feelings. If I wake up feeling blah and spend the whole day thinking, “I’m just gassed,” that’s exactly what I’ll act like. I talked myself into thinking I feel tired, so I'll act like I'm tired. I won’t go for a walk at lunch. I won’t talk to patients with energy or enthusiasm. I will count down the minutes until I get to go home, and I’ll flop myself on the couch as soon as I get there.

Or.

If I wake up feeling blah, instead of allowing myself to sink into that, I could ask, “How do I want to feel today?”

Energized.

And then: "What do energized people act like?"

They smile. They sing in the car on the way to work. They use a varied inflection and talk quickly. They use their standing desk. If I go this route, most of the time, I actually feel way better. I talk myself into feeling the way I want to feel.

The other day, I was feeling really bummed about Christmas. I was actually kind of moping and feeling sorry for myself. Cute, right?

What I wanted to feel like… was festive. So what did I do? I did what festive people do. I talked Ric into taking me to Target, where we marched promptly to the Christmas section. We didn’t spend a billion dollars (self-control is a virtue), but we picked up a few pieces that would make the apartment look a little more like the holidays are actually upon us.

And guess what?

I feel festive.

#3: Organize a Cross-Country White Elephant

or Secret Santa Exchange

Watch out, friends. I haven’t started this project yet, but it is COMING. What you should know about practically every Enneagram 2 is WE. LOVE. SECRET. SANTA. You get to secretly get someone a gift. Someone is going to secretly get you a gift. EVERYONE IS GOING TO GET A SECRET GIFT. It’s exciting, and it’s a heart-warmer’s dream. What’s even more fun about doing it now, in the trenches of 2020, is your friends are probably scattered across the country. You know what that means?

MAIL.

Who doesn’t love getting mail? Nobody. Everybody loves getting mail. You can even use a Secret Santa Generator like the one on drawnames.com or elfster.com to make things easy for you.

#4: Develop a New Tradition

(Or Practice a Childhood Tradition)

I’m BIG into traditions. I’m so into traditions that I literally started my own a few years ago: Socksgiving. At my mom’s house, when we gathered for Thanksgiving, in between stuffing our faces, we traded fun socks. It was amazing.

Here’s what I’m proposing: if your family traditions aren’t going to happen this year, make yourself a brand-new one. Year One of a new, creative, exciting tradition. Make your gift exchange with your roommate a scavenger hunt so they have to find their new sweatshirt in the fridge. Make homemade donuts for Christmas morning so the house smells like a dang bakery. If you’re into hand lettering or crafting, make Christmas cards for people you love and send them off like the fun little elf you are. There are so many ways to get festive.

If you can’t think of anything new, go old-school. What did you do with your family as a kid? Break out the Santa mugs and make yourself a cup of hot chocolate. Stick an orange in the toe of your stockings, like Gammy does. Watch It’s a Wonderful Life and pretend like you’re sitting in Mama Lori’s basement. Sure, it’s a little sad, but just doing those things that remind you of the years before this one will make you feel a little bit better.

#5: Actually Do the Cheesy Holiday Things

I know, I know. If you're a hater, you're thinking: "Christmas movies are the worst. Christmas cookies are cheesy. Going to see the Christmas lights is silly." But here’s the thing: you’re not too cool for Christmas and you’re never going to be too cool for Christmas.

Let me tell you about the sweetest date night in the world. On Friday, Eric said: “Hey, do you wanna go see the Christmas lights in Los Osos tonight?” And I said: “Um, yes.” I made us each a thermos of tea. He played Christmas music the entire drive. We followed the coolest Google map (made by the Los Osos Chamber of Commerce! Hi! Thank you!) to see houses people went all-out for. There were blow-up decorations and flashing lights set to music and everything. And it was magical.

It’s nights like this that make me feel like it’s going to be okay. Does it hurt to not have “normal” Christmas? Yes. Are the holidays kind of a bummer this year, if you let them be? Yes. But Christmas is not canceled. There’s still merriment to be had and festivities to be enjoyed.

There’s still magic around the corner.